what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
