Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
