Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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