would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
