Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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