FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
