She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize