The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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