would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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