I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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