you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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