I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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