There is no way he is gay with that hair.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
