well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
