I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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