We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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