"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
