I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
