Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
