I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
