Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
