Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
