I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
