My hair reeks of homosexuality.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
