D3 body, D1 cock
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
