Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize