I want to make a zoo with you.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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