Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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