this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
im six kinds of drunk right now
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
