I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize