And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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