can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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