She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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