Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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