when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
