He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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