So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
