This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
