it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
