You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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