If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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