Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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