how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
