pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
