my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
