I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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