You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Randomize
