awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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