This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize