I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
