chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
