Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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