I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
