"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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