please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
