So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
