you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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