i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
