she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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