I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
