I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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