i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I am midnight drunk by noon
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
