Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
