tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize