I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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