That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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