What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
