It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
