you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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