pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So apparently I’m into choking now
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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