okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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