It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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