was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
