They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
