evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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