In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
