She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
