I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
