I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
